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Thread: Shit I've Learnt :: #1 - Leave your fucking ego at the door.

  1. #1
    Moderator Jude's Avatar
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    Shit I've Learnt :: #1 - Leave your fucking ego at the door.

    #1 Leave your fucking ego at the door.


    You are not hot shit. Nobody is. Not you, not I, not Mystery, not Style, not the Simple Pickup boys. Yes, some of these individuals enjoy greater regularity of success with women than others, and some possess a greater understanding of what exactly is happening in the seduction process, but not one bit of that makes one individual better than the other.

    We are in the business of self-improvement. By virtue of being on this forum, you are acknowledging that along with the experiences and perspectives you can share for the betterment of others, you also possess the humility to accept that you might be able to learn from them, see value in their experiences, and potentially better yourself based on what they have to say.

    When I joined the community, I was the perpetual "friend". My focus in reading material, posting on forums and most importantly practising these skills has always been honest and introspective, and I am thankful for that, as it has allowed me to make tremendous progress to the point at which I have my own experience and value to share with others. We all set out on this journey as relative beginners, myself especially, and the goal for everyone is to continue to grow to a certain desired level of success and proficiency in our interactions with women.

    This is the last place in the world to brag. Even the most needy and self-sabotaging beginner is not as pathetic as the guy who has an inflated ego based on his own in-field successes, post count, fancy forum titles and powers, rep count, forum reputation etc. I have had many experiences with individuals on either side of the equation, which has made it very clear to me that an individual's internal approach and the role of humility and ego in the self-improvement process can greatly influence the success he enjoys.

    If you are going to contribute to this sort of community, the first thing to do is to get rid of your ego, grow some humility and go from there.
    This is step one, in my opinion the most important step in truly "getting good with women".

    Cheers lads,
    Jude
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  2. #2
    Senior Member Captain Jack Sparrow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jude View Post
    #1 Leave your fucking ego at the door.


    You are not hot shit. Nobody is. Not you, not I, not Mystery, not Style, not the Simple Pickup boys. Yes, some of these individuals enjoy greater regularity of success with women than others, and some possess a greater understanding of what exactly is happening in the seduction process, but not one bit of that makes one individual better than the other.

    We are in the business of self-improvement. By virtue of being on this forum, you are acknowledging that along with the experiences and perspectives you can share for the betterment of others, you also possess the humility to accept that you might be able to learn from them, see value in their experiences, and potentially better yourself based on what they have to say.

    When I joined the community, I was the perpetual "friend". My focus in reading material, posting on forums and most importantly practising these skills has always been honest and introspective, and I am thankful for that, as it has allowed me to make tremendous progress to the point at which I have my own experience and value to share with others. We all set out on this journey as relative beginners, myself especially, and the goal for everyone is to continue to grow to a certain desired level of success and proficiency in our interactions with women.

    This is the last place in the world to brag. Even the most needy and self-sabotaging beginner is not as pathetic as the guy who has an inflated ego based on his own in-field successes, post count, fancy forum titles and powers, rep count, forum reputation etc. I have had many experiences with individuals on either side of the equation, which has made it very clear to me that an individual's internal approach and the role of humility and ego in the self-improvement process can greatly influence the success he enjoys.

    If you are going to contribute to this sort of community, the first thing to do is to get rid of your ego, grow some humility and go from there.
    This is step one, in my opinion the most important step in truly "getting good with women".

    Cheers lads,
    Jude
    This should be a given here. Reply ettiquete is sadly overlooked on a few posts I've seen on this forum. You should realise that some people (me especially) have really fragile confidence issues and comments like "grow some balls dude" or "you're not very good with women" are bang out of order I think. This is a place, as jude says, to better yourself as ofcourse, nobody's perfect! However, I'd say willingness to learn from others is more step 1 in getting to improve yourself.
    He Who Hesitates, Masturbates!
    A wise man learns from his own mistakes, yet a wiser man learns from others mistakes.

  3. #3
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    I'm glad you posted this because some guys seem to think they're the shit because they pickup mad girls. Congrats. It doesn't make you better than me.

    As Jude said we're all hear to learn from each other and become better at talking to women. No need to bring anyone down or call me a pussy and all that name calling bullshit. Just stick with constructive criticism because no one likes being put down but everyone will listen if you give them a good, constructive pointers on how to get better.

    While I didn't experience this on the forums because most of the people I've interacted with are awesome and willing to help out, it's still nice put this out there before it becomes a huge problem.
    Last edited by gsnts725; 02-21-2012 at 05:08 PM.

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    Well said Jude.

    Well compared to most forums I've partook in (and I've been to a lot of forums) this one is actually pretty relaxing and mostly drama free. And the support here is incredible so it's been doing really well IMO.

    I also agree with Jack. You guys should be cracking down on "Reply etiquette" a little more. I'm not as fragile now, but I can understand the pain of others who are just starting out. Although we DO need that kick in the ass to get us going sometimes, which is fine, but too much of that is just discouraging.
    Also for those who are looking for advice, some of you need to relax. If you don't get the answer you're looking for or don't understand, DON'T get upset. Simply ask for an elaboration and/or take in what you're given. Understand that most of us aren't here to hurt you and there are some things you just need to discover on your own. You can't better yourself by trying to be someone else.

    We're all here for the same reasons. To convey a positive message, help each other improve and/or give advice.. because that's what bros FUCKIN' do.
    Last edited by 2Rude; 02-21-2012 at 05:14 PM.
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  5. #5
    Moderator Jude's Avatar
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    In response to Captain Jack and 2 Rude, I will say that tough love has its place, and whilst it can be tough to distinguish, I do not think it always comes from a place of arrogance or ego. So don't kick yourself if someone tells you to "sack up and make it happen". For some lads I know, that's their way of saying "don't worry, get 'em next time".

    Just a side note. It can be tough to tell sometimes on the interwebs.

    Cheers,
    Jude
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  6. #6
    Member Infernity's Avatar
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    Amen to that Jude.. thanks for clearing that up around here. Jude is right... we are not here to criticize how the other is the worst and sucks... so if they make a mistake help them improve, not yell and bitch them out for their stupidity.

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    Leave your ego in your head. Dont brag , but be a narcissist in your mind. In your mind say " Holy fuck , im the hottest , most badass player in the world" "everyone in here is a bitch , im a king" this makes you more confident. However dont go bragging and telling everyone , just feel it.

  8. #8
    Member aristotle's Avatar
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    Brilliant

  9. #9
    Member RE-L's Avatar
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    Thats deep.

  10. #10
    Junior Member Turlast's Avatar
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    I completely agree. Topics like this end up helping everyone at the end of the day.

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    in my opinion I'm the only hot guy this girl SHOULD know....


    so i am hot shit... if you don't think your hot.. no one else will...

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    I say i'm awesome, hot, gorgeous to myself... because its the only thing that keeps me motivated to do it.... i say keep the ego...

    If no one has ego than girls would Talk to the guys...

  13. #13
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    LAST POST...

    if you go through life thinking your not awesome, hot or gorgeous... then girls aren't going to see it!

    YES some guys do OVER exaggerate it.... but look at these guys videos... they stand with their heads HIGH...

    if you don't know your hot ... girls wont know it either....


    saying that everyone isn't better than one another doesn't help anyone with anything....


    EXAMPLE: people with a handicap HAVE to say to themselves... I'm hot shit because i got this handicap and No one else does!


    saying don't keep your ego, is just going to make it seem like ANYONE can go out with your Girl friend...

  14. #14
    Member Gray's Avatar
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    Stupidvideo322, this post isn't about self-motivation. There is a huge difference between confidence (telling yourself that you are the best) and ego (making others think you are the best). Jude is simply saying to LEAVE IT AT THE DOOR when posting on here.

    Confidence=Good
    Ego=Bad

    The guys in the videos have confidence, they are not insulting and putting others down. It is an attractive trait.

    Here at the forum though we are seeing a lot of ego, where people think they are better than everyone else and downgrading others.

    And you're completely right that it is a good thing to tell yourself how awesome you are, just try not to get your ego confused with your confidence.
    Midgetto and thiago2 like this.
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  15. #15
    Moderator Jude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gray View Post
    Stupidvideo322, this post isn't about self-motivation. There is a huge difference between confidence (telling yourself that you are the best) and ego (making others think you are the best). Jude is simply saying to LEAVE IT AT THE DOOR when posting on here.

    Confidence=Good
    Ego=Bad

    The guys in the videos have confidence, they are not insulting and putting others down. It is an attractive trait.

    Here at the forum though we are seeing a lot of ego, where people think they are better than everyone else and downgrading others.

    And you're completely right that it is a good thing to tell yourself how awesome you are, just try not to get your ego confused with your confidence.
    QTF. This guy gets it.
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  16. #16
    Mx.
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    Again, we think alike Jude! But I couldn't put this into words as good as you did
    Keep up the good work, boss. I'm lovin' it.

    Mx.
    Being perfect is about being able to look
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    didn't let them down. Because you told 'em the truth.
    And that truth is, is that you did everything that you could.
    There wasn't one more thing that you could've done.
    Can you live in that moment as best you can, with clear eyes
    and love in your heart? With joy in your heart?
    If you can do that, gentlemen, then you're perfect.

  17. #17
    Junior Member iamthe0ne23's Avatar
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    You mean QFT right jude?

    Anyway, great post.
    Check out my field report thread! Comments/Advice/Discussion welcome... unless I don't like it. Then you can piss off.

    Field Report: A Zero on the road to An Hero

  18. #18
    Moderator Thijs's Avatar
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    Great addition to the forum;

    this is right, leave that ego behind.

  19. #19
    Senior Member PIMP-dL's Avatar
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    Heeeelllllll yeaaaaa ,

    Getting good with women!

    I can't wait for Step 2/#2 lol
    This is your last chance, GO!
    The Body will get weak if the body don't move..

  20. #20
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    I for one am sick of people acting super cocky for no reason(even outside of the pickup world), so I enjoyed this post a lot.

  21. #21
    Junior Member TokenWhiteBoy's Avatar
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    I dunno, I think I do better when I tell myself that the girl is really lucky to talk to me. I makes me have more fun with it. I guess the only downside is that I start to become a different person. I become a guy that's sort of an ass

  22. #22
    Moderator Jude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TokenWhiteBoy View Post
    I dunno, I think I do better when I tell myself that the girl is really lucky to talk to me. I makes me have more fun with it. I guess the only downside is that I start to become a different person. I become a guy that's sort of an ass
    This is confidence, and it is 100% NECESSARY to carry confidence into both your in-field sets and your interactions with men and women in whom you are not sexually interested.

    Ego is not only unattractive (women tend to see the lack of confidence behind it), but it inhibits the honest pursuit of self-improvement.

    The line between the two can be fine, but it does make a difference!
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  23. #23
    Senior Member Snaapdanny's Avatar
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    I almost have 1k posts, fuck i'm a badasssssss, JK, i'm a loser who has nothing better to do, great post.

  24. #24
    Moderator Jude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snaapdanny View Post
    I almost have 1k posts, fuck i'm a badasssssss, JK, i'm a loser who has nothing better to do, great post.
    I mean, your title IS "Senior Member". SO yeah...you're kind of a big deal. haha
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  25. #25
    Junior Member lilcide's Avatar
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    What do you mean about leave your ego at the door ? Should this mean that every day you get rejected right ? Some in a polite way, but some in a bad way right? and after a while you get used to not give a fuck...

  26. #26
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    Understood!

  27. #27
    Junior Member thiago2's Avatar
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    Jude i get it wht you saying, totally agree with you

  28. #28
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    Great post, I was foolish enough to confuse confidence with ego and karma hit me hard. I deserved it and since that moment on I have had a more clear view on how to be confident without being egotistic.

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