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Thread: Im very confident when I'm drunk, but shy when Im sober. Can I try and fix this?

  1. #1
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    Im very confident when I'm drunk, but shy when Im sober. Can I try and fix this?

    When I'm sober I'm pretty shy. I don't chat much, or really can think of things to say. I'm sort of just the nice polite guy people can forget easily. When I'm drunk though I hit this one zone where I fucking rock it. Chatty, full confidence but also with it enough to not make an ass of my self.

    There was one girl I had met a few times, 10/10 in looks. She first saw me drunk at a festival we went to recently. She was amazed at how different I was and even said "This is the most outgoing I've ever seen you!" and put her arms around my neck. However, she was leaving and we were still partying. Normally I'd probably say "Oh ok...bye then." or give a pretty weak "aw nah, come on! It'll be fun." but without even a thought I go "Nah, you aren't going back now. What are you? 40? It's not even midnight! Don't be such a soft cock!" and she really liked me saying that to her. In fact, she even told a friend of mine exactly that.

    I've blown dates and hook ups before because I was too shy and not enough like my drunken self. I guess an easy solution is: Just drink when you go out. But I don't ALWAYS get in that zone. If I don't drink enough I get tired, if I drink too much well, you know what whiskey can do to your dick?

    So what are some ways to try and dig that confidence out to a sober me?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Petemate's Avatar
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    Think about how your acting when your drunk. your caring less. You are independant of outcome
    All you need to remember is " NO EXCUSES"

  3. #3
    nradam
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    Usually i get to god mode with the first sip of beer, so i am not even drunk lol. For me, its mostly a feeling like i am drunk, so i got license to kill. Maybe its for you too. What you can do is initially try drinking very less (i mean like just one sip) and try picking up. Keep the bottle in your bag or something, or in your hand if you are in Europe . Later on, you need to push yourself without alcohol, i am also doing that. Also, have you noticed that when you go out drunk and you are smooth talking, but even after 2 hours and you are not drunk anymore you are still smooth talking? Everything is in your head, just dont give a fuck anymore. Another way is to immediately do something super daring like singing songs in a restaurant, or shouting in the center of the street (something that makes sense so that people wont think you are drunk and mad) etc will boost your confidence an smooth talking skills to the rest of the day.

    Its all in your mind son. You (and I) need to be indifferent to outcomes and live life like bosses.
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  4. #4
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    It's the same for me too.When I drink the right amount of alcohol I become like a boss.I start chatting people up, try to make instant makeouts(it somehow works most of the time), I become really social. But when I'm sober, I think I'm socially awkward, that's why I usually fuck things up on day two. Although, I have a lot of friends that know me sober and the girls from social circle that I'm not interested in likes me. How fucked up is that?

  5. #5
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    Yeah, you can fix this. Stop getting drunk and approach girls sober. What? it's too hard? No shit. Push your comfort zone and get used to it.
    It's not about suddenly caring less; it's about training yourself to care less.

  6. #6
    Junior Member CabbageDiack's Avatar
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    hahah you're experiencing liquid confidence bro, and of course you can overcome that!
    falling is easy, its getting back up that becomes the problem. & if you believe you can find a way out then you've solved the problem, you've solved your problem.

    Screw the meaning of life. How to decipher a girls mind is the million dollar question.. Hurry evolution, make girls unable to talk!

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  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by maverick View Post
    Yeah, you can fix this. Stop getting drunk and approach girls sober. What? it's too hard?
    I do and I'm pretty shit. I just can't crack that shell of being more outgoing. I can go up to a girl sober, that's easy. Having a worth while chat and flirting? I'm stumped. I try and act more outgoing but it almost comes off as being forced and silly rather than natural like my drunk self can do it.

  8. #8
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    Well the obvious answer to your question is, yes of course you can.

    Almost everyone gets more confident when they're highly intoxicated, I'm that way too. Their inhibitions go away, they don't care about their ego as much (or not at all). Alcohol is kinda a feel-good type of thing, however, you should probably know that it's not a stimulator, but a depressor. Alcohol will get you depressed instead of high in spirits sometimes. So you need to stop relying on Jack Dagnals whiskey and start getting more practice in talking to girls. All you need is practice.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by D-Dog View Post
    I do and I'm pretty shit. I just can't crack that shell of being more outgoing. I can go up to a girl sober, that's easy. Having a worth while chat and flirting? I'm stumped. I try and act more outgoing but it almost comes off as being forced and silly rather than natural like my drunk self can do it.
    You have to understand that just can't achieve your pickup goals with a snap of the fingers. Know where your skill level stands and work yourself up gradually (small steps). Try looking up some routines to help you ease into conversations. It should help get you started.

    Here's one routine I got from Neil Strauss:
    I have a female friend who is in a declining relationship with her boyfriend. She said she loves the guy, but she isn't IN LOVE with him. What's your take on the difference loving something and being IN LOVE with someone.

    Let the girl answer and you should contribute your opinions also. Routines are so open-ended; you can ask ANY opinion that is thought provoking. Work your way up man.

    I try and act more outgoing but
    What exactly are you doing to "act more outgoing". I think the reason you're "forcing" yourself to be outgoing is because you have bad inner game/confidence. You don't think who are you is enough, so you have to sell yourself as someone of high value. I can't give you advice on inner game/confidence because it's different for everyone.

  10. #10
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    yea everybody gets liquid courage because you loose your inhibitions just put in your head like F everything im gonna do what i want and say what i want lol its very hard to do but im trying to practice it too

  11. #11
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    You can still be good at picking up while drunk, but you will never achieve your best when it is in that state that we do not live in for most of our lives.

    I've heard a good way of doing it is to ween off it. (ie. if you are a 6 shot person, have 5 the next time, then 4, then 3, etc. then finally water with a lemon on the top) all while still approaching. It's hard, will take time, and is something I will try working on even though I don't drink all that often.

  12. #12
    Senior Member Dillo's Avatar
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    Try drinking alcohol the whole day so that your body becomes accustomed to it. That way, when you are sober it is like you are actually drunk and the problem is solved. Being drunk should be your normal state.
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  13. #13
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    Solution - Never stop drinking (;

  14. #14
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    Same here, except you are a guy, i'm not. When I take some alcohol , I'm getting very fun and sexy, but if I got nothing , I was shy and lack of confidence. I tried many ways to solve this problem, but seems like it doesn't work. I will keep single forever if i can't solve this thing!

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