You’re shaking, anxious, and your bladder is giving you false signals that you have to pee. It’s time for something you’ve been preparing yourself for: the first date with a girl you’ve been talking with for a few days. You meet up, you give her a hug, and now you’re just… staring at each other.
This silent interaction can even go further while driving to your destination, on the thirty minute bus ride, or even during your dinner. It’s in these types of situations that you find yourself looking around the room trying to force some sort of conversation:
You: Nice sweater.
Her: Thanks
Silence.
One Word Answers
It’s not a good sign if she’s answering your questions with one word phrases, especially on a first date. The reason is because if a girl is truly interested in you, she’ll be curious enough to share her experiences and/or interact with your input. However there could be various reasons to why she’s not interacting with you all that much. So before you throw her out of your car, here are some tips to help you avoid any silences or one word answers on her end.
How To Avoid Silences
Ask Open Ended Questions
Open ended questions are great conversations starters because her answer is not dictated by a yes or a no. Basically, when it comes to her answer the possibilities are endless. The importance of an open ended question is not just to get her talking, but also gives you a chance to see if she’s relatable to you: if she’s cool.
Use Distractions as Conversation Openers
A distraction can be anything from background music to a little kid tripping on its shoelaces and falling forward into the ground. You can use these distractions to help you transition into a more organic open ended questions. For example:
You: Have you heard this song before? I love it.
Her: No, not really.
You: It’s called *Song Name* by *Artist Name* what type of music do you listen to?
Tell Her a Story & Make Her Participate
This is more of a reactive move than it is you taking the lead. To clarify, this move works best AFTER she asks you any question. What you want to do is before you go on the date, reflect on the things that have happened and the passions in your life. This can range from emotional events when you were five to how you’re really into peanut butter (on your balls).The point is, if she asked you a question about any belief or experience you had in your life, you at least have a story to relate to her question.
Now, because you don’t want to be talking all alone in a car, you make her participate with your story. To make her participate all you need to do is to pause throughout your story and ask her if she wants you to continue. For example,
Her: Do you have any siblings?
You: I actually have 19. You want to hear how I was born?
Her: Yes. That sounds interesting.
You: Well… *story & talking for a good 2 minutes* – before I go on, what do you think?
Her: You’re crazy. I can relate, I’ll tell you after you finish with yours…
Remember, the point of story telling is to get her interested and make her engaged. However, if you don’t pause and get a feel of what she’s thinking or if she’s relating to you, then what will happen when you’re done telling the story is… SILENCE. Many guys forget the “make her participate” part.
Also, it shows her that you CARE whether or not she’s listening. A lot of guys will jut blabber on about themselves without noticing if the girl’s actually engaged in the conversation.
So, practice on your story telling abilities but don’t forget to gauge her engagement.
Make an Assumption about Her & Wait for Her Reaction
Who says you have to always be asking questions to break silence? One of my favorite things to do on a first date is to assume something about her and tell her my thoughts. Who cares if your assumption is right or wrong, the point of this move is to get her to react. This reaction can be a great platform to gain traction for a great conversation.
For example,
You: You seem like you’re an adopted child.
Her: Did you not see my parents?!? We look exactly alike! Wait, were you adopted?
You: Actually, there is a story behind my conception…
Then, the conversation continues without hesitation. It’s a fun move because it makes it fun reacting to her reaction(s). It can get crazy, but as I’ll repeat, it’s fun.
Be Straight Forward
The easiest way to get to know someone is to be straight forward. If nothing is working and you really want to have a flowing conversation in the hopes of getting to know her better; being straight forward is the way to go. For example,
You: Listen, I’m on this date because I want to get to know you. Tell me something that makes you really cool.
Being straight forward means you’re putting the girl on the spot. So be patient, playful, and calm. The last thing you want is her to feel like that if she doesn’t talk to you, you’re going to drop her off in the middle of a stranded parking lot.
Key Components To Remember:
Listen
On a first date, the conversation should always be 50/50. If you ever feel like you’re talking more or she is as well, then it’s crucial to either change topics or to slow down your (her) mouth for a few minutes. It’s not a lecture, it’s a conversation. And, the only way you’ll be able to do this correctly is by LISTENING to yourself and to her throughout the night.
You don’t want to be rambling by talking about nonsense. Nor do you want to space out when she’s talking: how else are you supposed to react to her if you have no idea what she’s talking about? Listening is a big part of communication.
Lastly
Remember, just because you do all the right things by being yourself doesn’t mean you’ll have a fruitful conversation. There are going to be dates where the girl won’t say anything no matter what you do; who cares, she’s not worth your time, move on.
There’s a TON of girls out there.
Hey, I have a question.
What to do when the conversation is not good. For example when you are talking about music but it's topic have been boring, so you want to change the topic, talk about everything else. What to do?, Some special technic?
you guys are awesome. bout to go on a date tonight and now i know what to watch out for!
I've been waiting for this my whole life!
In my opinion I think you should be honest like they say, just say something like "oh we've been talking about music quite a bit now! I wanna get to know you better" and make an assumption or ask her a question
Mutha fuckin' boss here!
This is so incredibly helpful! I'll keep this in mind for my first date that I have planned after the break. Also, the next article/video you guys write, could you consider making something about how to approach girls in a group when you are just by yourself? A lot of the time when I go out to pick up girls, I see a lot of hot ones just walking around with a group of friends. I can handle one-on-one without a problem, but I don't know how to pick up girls when they are in a group. Help? Thoughts? Some kind of response would be greatly appreciated! All of you have changed my life so much, and for that, I say: THANK YOU!
#SWAG #YOLO
I love that last part.
Say "random question what's your favorite vegTable"
Wow, perfect timing! Just have a date coming up! Thanks for the tips.
tell her the story of a life you never wished you had.. i.e. you had cancer when you were 4 years old but you fought it and come out a winner but you're twin brother has developed the same kind of cancer now, and he's terminal and this has helped you rethink what you really value in life and you've came to realize that its life itself you value the most, and you made the choice of never ever letting an opportunity pass by without poking it with a broomstick…niaaahhh…. come with me.. lets do something crazy.. take her to a free salsa class.. if you know how to dance and she doesn't.. awesome, if you both know how to dance even more awesome, if you don't and she does……epic awesomeness. then slap her in the face and tell her.. i want you to hit me as hard as you can.. then kiss, and pull back to your place.. put some really slow music, drink a protein shake, do some pushups and go to sleep..
i went on a 6 hour date last night. It was a mid night stroll through a lake park, under the moonlight, and there were some silent points but i think we had a great time. i related to these tips even though i didn't read them till now.
best 1
A1
real motherfucking g's
Just sneeze , then :
- Bless you
+ Bless me ? What , do you believe god or something ?
Great article! Please do one about approaching girls you've already seen or know of before, but have not spoken to them
epic, yesterday my first date went exactly like this!! your tips prove me that I already know what to do
thanks SP
no you're going to fuck up everything!
never bring god/relegions to the first date that's a horrible idea
It seems you really like that girl because i think it is too long it. For me it gets boring after 1 hour if we're not drinking or having sex.
Even though this isn't a huge problem for me, this is extremely helpful for general conversation. Especially when you FIRST approach a girl and things don't click, there will be some awkward silences. Hopefully I can use some of these tips to avoid that in the future.
how to pick up girls that aren't in your class
I have the balls to cold approach girls in my college campus but honestly i'm worried about my reputation. Advice?
if 1, you have the balls to a girl, 2 you want to talk to a girl, and 3 she is fucking SMOKING HOT. then do it.
gl hf
THankzzz
Im in highschool and whenever i text girls i just met they like to play games like 20 questions. This usually makes it difficult to have new things to talk about and the fact that i compete in three sports i have little to talk about with droning on and on about myself with the same topic daily I usually run out of things to talk about after the 2nd day of texting which basically carries over to when we actually meet up. I usually ask her how her day went but that doesnt create the longest conversation.
You might want to be a little more conservative in your pursuit. You don't have to have a life changing insightful conversation everytime you talk or text. A lot of conversation between friends and lovers is playful banter as well as other topics. It doesn't have to be all serious. Next time you text throw some light playful convo's in there. Girls like that. Same thing on dates, don't be afraid to joke around and be playful and a little sexual just not too much or she'll see you as a dick head clown. Slow down with the frequency of text too that way you won't have to lay everything on the table
potatoes
I went on my first ever date the other week and I agree massively with this article. I am currently writing a non-ficticious story which is made up of mini-stories from nights out, or any event in my life which makes me laugh. THIS IS GOLD for dates. The fact I've got an anecdote which I've even written down and know inside out for almost any topic of conversation ie. Holidays (story about my funny holiday to Malia) is priceless for avoiding awkward silences. No joke, the longest silence we had in a FIVE HOUR drinks date was either taking a sip of a drink or going for a pee (yes, I did have several false alarms lol). I did try to engage her in the stories and stuff too, which luckily is more second nature to me as I'm reading this post after the date has happened
Very very nice tip. You are awesome guys but i would like to know how can i approach different girls in the High School without touching my reputation. I know it sounds silly but i am a good player in the real life and when it comes to school i cant be even 20% of myself at girls or they will find out about "me". Thanks. Keep it Up
If you are not 100% you all the time, you are living a lie. Don't become what other people want you to be. That is not how you should life. Also, if your not being 100% yourself, you will attract the wrong girls. Sure your reputation might get you laid, but in the end, its about finding someone your truly connect with.
Hey guys great article! I have a question, there is this one girl at my school who is very attractive but doesn't have much personality from what I can see. I want to take her to prom but have literally not said a word to her in the three years I've seen her around. I have no idea how to start up a conversation with after not doing so for so long and she is very shy. Thanks again for the article!
man you shouldn't worry about reputation! Im telling you, the majority of guys doesn't even have the balls to say hi to a girl they might like. If you would have gone talk to her it wouldn't matter if she rejected you or anything. At least you've made a try and I think that will give people respect for you. My tip is to talk to her, maybe when she's alone so she doesn't have to be under pressure by her friends.
Fuck, stop making it more complicated than it is. The answer is simple: approach her. Don't worry about coming off cool or witty. Don't worry that it's weird you haven't spoken to her in 3 years. I swear, when you're my age, you'll wish you at least said hi. Man up. If anything, watch some project go vids.
"Hi , I know we haven't talked much before, but honestly I think you're really cute and I wanted to ask you to the prom. I think it would be a lot of fun."
Hey nice article, I have a question. I know a girl shes rlly cute, spontanious and sportive. But since a short time she has a relationship ( like 3-6 months or so). Is it still possible for me to get her? Its a really special girl too me. Btw, I didnt talk to her for years.
yo bro if this girl is special to you tell her that and hang out more whit her and you need to be stray forward and tell her that you are attracted to her so you don't find your self in the Friend Zone and soon or later she will realize you are the one for her this is just tips from A player
This is a very good article. I only dated a girl once… And I didn't have much experience at that time. I got together with her but it didn't last long. This article motivates me and helped me a lot! I am curious about something. If you read this, please reply!(I need the answer..:))) Should I date a girl out who is 1-2 year older than me??? She's cute and attractive for me. A very nice and sweet girl that I barely talk to her in my class who is sitting next to me… So should I?:) THANKS!
^^^ get to know her a bit first, i've seen kids ask girls they don't know at all to prom, and it usually doesn't go too well. Just talk to her a bit first
you should add clips
Your article missed out one of the super secret PUA techniques of the gods, using silence to your advantage….. If there is a silence and you don't rush in to fill it with some bullshit tactic, 90% of the time she will fill it, if she fills it in her girl brain this equates to…..
We were bored – I filled the gap to stop the boredom – why did I do this? – OMG I must like him!
Silence isn't always a bad thing and if you're comfortable enough to wait it out, she will often fill it, this often leads to your peep filling her chamber of squelch.
I find myself attracted to girls that's 10 years older than me, and im talking to a girl right now that is 1 year younger than me. So to answer your question. YES!!!!!! You should ask her out, if you like her.
I'm attracted to 15 year olds. FUCK ME.
… but only if your 15.(WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME.)
In other words, qualify her before asking her out!~
one of my favorite things to day when there's that first awkward silence is " did you know everytime theres an awkward silence a gay baby is born?" " congrats you just created a gay baby" ( this is an actual statististic…. i think )
thank you for the advises. the problem is that in my place girls don't like the players so much if you know what i mean or they make it seem that way. that's why I be careful so they don't notice it. Am I thinking wrong ?
Love these
i need help to this girl i ve done the move where u dont know if she is the one for u and u either talk to her or not(go project)
i talked to her in the paarty at school and we did a slow dance and then after those days i ve kinda lost in track of talking to her or getting to know her more but before christmas happened i gave her a gift cuz i know i wont see her 4 two weeks and i got sick in the night of thursday and i didnt go to school after that day she was looking 4 me
how can i improve or excelate our relationship more cuz i reallly like her.. i have many rival to her but i know that when ur intention to her is clear and good and every moves you do is good and always coming from ur heart you will won and always do ur best..
plss i need help
Dude, I am going on a date tomorrow with a girl who is 2 years older than me.. God, I am nervous.. But, you should definitely ask her out…
ps: In my case I was being a pussy on the phone, so she asked me out… hahah
I wish you the best. But do not ever write this girl a letter.
Thank you guys. This articlewas so helpful.
First off fantastic article
alrite so i was a pussy didn't state my intentions, got her number somehow, started to text cause again i had a vagina, made her laugh, she said i was the funniest person she ever spoke to, she started to tell me some of her insecurities (4got but it was something about her face) said i replied "your face was the prettiest thing i've ever seen"(i know i'm such a homo) and she replied " u don't get out often do u?" then i panicked and sent a joke to recover "when i compare it to a (insert something disgusting here) that is", she replied "well u really know how to make a girl feel special don't u", changed the topic cause i was a bitch, told more jokes, made her laugh, went to bed feeling my newly developed vagina and now i feel like sh#t,
please someone help the bitch butterflies heve got me in a headlock, I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY LIKE THIS GIRL but i'm scared because my BB'S im gonna lose her and be stuck in the friend zone, JESSE, KONG, JASON OR ANY OTHER PLAYER HELP
Believe or not getting rejected builds ur reputation as a ballsy cunt who doesn't give a sh#t
What do you guys do for having that white teeth? Did you go bleech them?
PLEASE GUYS I NEED HELP!
alrite so i was a pussy didn't state my intentions, but i got her number, somehow (probably cause i was confident), started to text instead of calling cause again i am a vagina, made her laugh, she said i was the funniest person she ever spoke to, she started to tell me some of her insecurities (4got but it was something about her face) so i replied "your face was the prettiest thing i've ever seen"(i know i'm such a homo) and she replied " u don't get out often do u?" then i panicked and sent a joke to recover "when i compare it to a (insert something disgusting here) that is", she replied "well u really know how to make a girl feel special don't u", changed the topic cause i was a bitch, told more jokes, made her laugh, went to bed feeling my newly developed vagina and now i feel like sh#t,
please someone help the bitch butterflies have got me in a headlock, I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY LIKE THIS GIRL but i'm scared because of my BB'S im gonna lose her and be stuck in the friend zone, JESSE, KONG, JASON OR ANY OTHER PLAYER HELP
ahh shit dude, what a charming comment! haha "when i compare it to…" hmm I guess it's so much harder interacting through texting because you don't pick up any non verbal communication and cant really tell how she is reacting, if she is really lol-ing at all.. :/ ive been in this situation before when i said something so stupid and she's like "errr ok.." the difference was it was in person (I dont text, only to arrange to see the girl) so it was awkward as fuck, but easier to dig yourself out by saying "im such a penis.. Hi I'm Matt " (introduce myself again) she loved it and the conversation moved on and things happened. My advice im sure Jesse Kong or Jason will agree. Text to arrange a meeting and get to know her face to face and just chillout. be you! say stupid shit, make her laugh! Just dont take the piss out of her face..
@9cea20ed351725024492fbcc7ced9a89:disqus There is a way to fix this but honestly mate it would be much easier to just move on, learn from your mistakes with this girl, and meet new girls.
Hey guys really finding your stuff useful aye. But having trouble deciding what to do about this chick I have known for a while. we use to have a thing and I invited her out and everything for the 'first date' problem was she wasnt allowed out cause of her protective mum (I'm 18, hense why her mum still has a say haha). Since then we hadnt talked for ages until recently we had a few skype conversations on vid cam. Dunno whether I should just be giving up on her since something should have happened the first time if it were going to work. I find myself stuck on this girl and thought about inviting her to this concert i got tickets for? what u think, is it a good 'come back, first date'?
Alright this is what you do you grab your balls by your hand and you man up. When youfeel like your getting the bitch butterflies think of this: im a boss no one can stop me im awsome. Whatever encourage yourself and you walk up to her and you become bold as fu**. Even bolder than you would with no bitch butterflies just talk to her and be honest also ask her out if it dosent work out so be it.
No concert, meet her at a park or something and be straight forward.
Escalate your game as soon as she gets there, the more you wait r the
Harder and more awkward it will get.kiss her, make her feel like a woman
And make sure you feel like a train going ahead at full steam.
She will be doing somethingthat is forbidden for her, but that she really
Wants to try.
i really need help guys, i was baws and was easly picking up girls, i had and still have hard time approaching girls, but when i get in a conversation with her it usually goes the way i want it to, im a bit of an asshole,funny, goodlooking and everything was going well until i met a special girl in summer who i fell in love with really hard, i was drunk as fuck in club and saw this girl and the moment i saw her i felt something and the way she looked at me was special, so she was dancing with some guy who was all over her and he didnt want to let her go, so i came up to them like a bawsand said to the girl:tell him that i was your so you come with me, after a while she finally got rid of him and we went together out and made out, we were like best for 3 days and everything and we had never awkward silence because we had always something to talk about, and then she left and was comming back in 5 days with her friend,my head was overanalysing everything like a lot, like every sentance and when she came back i didnt have the ballz to do anything and then when i tried to kiss her she just turned her head and i tried it like 10 times and always the same thing… they left after a few days and i was like 4 months analysing everythingwe talked about and i became a vagina and lost ballz, and now i only got a few girls but when i was really drunk and they were ugly.. the thing is i cant meet her before summer because she is from another country.. i read some article on this site and just as it says i became really nice when talking to her, doing like anything she wanted to while i usually aint like thet… can you guys or anyone with similar experiance or anything give me some tips to get over her and get back i the game like a baws?!
guys!! how can you talk or take back your relationship with your ex?
you dont, if it didnt work the first time it it wont work the second time and surely not the third time, you find a better girl, you broke up for a reason
learning a lot and ganning conference thanks
Spellcheck can be a bitch
Question: How do I start a new topic to topic that is related to what we were talking about and make this go on? and how do I get it to escalate?
There is only one Man who Will make you completely fulfilled, and that Man is Jesus. I promise that if you seek him and let him into your heart you will experience rest and Everlasting Joy. I pray that you will take this message to heart and experience TRUE Happiness in Jesus. God Bless. ps. Pray to Jesus about all of your problems so that he will help you like he has helped me always.
disqus_wURlt4CmGy stfu
You truly made me laugh. Sure bro, jesus will help you pick up girls. What do you think this is? A church's website? How to become a priest?
ahahahahahahahaahahahah, nice
If you guys need any help at all don't hesitate to email me at [email protected]
told as how to pickup girls via facebook or twiter myspace and bla bla
Can you guys give advice or examples on how to make the conversation sexual after you start talking? Im trying to beat the habit of playing it safe which is my biggest fucking problem. Cheers guise
Three guys on youtube has done more to me in one year than religion in nearly a decade since I was so-called brought into a faith. For that matter, being a freethinker is a perfect tool for talking to girls, because you can relate to /all/ religions instead of suspecting everything that contradicts what you're taught. Learn to be more open minded and maybe you will learn what being completely fulfilled means