After a few years of getting into pickup, we got pretty good at getting into relationships. However, one of our downfalls was our general lack of knowledge on how to break up with girls Usually I would just keep talking to and having sex with a girl until I stopped calling her, answering her texts, and/or if she dumped me. These weren’t necessarily the best methods because they were petty and childish, but more importantly, the fate of my relationships solely relied on the decisions of the girl.
It was pathetic! It got so bad that if I wanted the relationship to end I would force myself to act repulsively on our dates – burping or farting in front of her or acting like a douche in front of her friends. I was afraid to do the breaking up myself because of two main reasons.
I find that it’s easy for anyone to reject someone during the initial approach or the first date. However, when you spend a lot of time – days, months, and even years – with someone, it becomes hard to let them go because of the history you have with each other. She’s invested so much into you, trying to change you, better you, and fit in her life as possible and now… well, you’re going to say, “I don’t think this can work.”
You’ll have to sit there as you watch her cry, throw tantrums, and it can even get so bad that she’s calling you every single day and hour of the night wondering if you’ll get back together. In addition, I’ve known guys whose entire social circle gets disassembled due the many friends that he and a girl have in common.
It is this guilt of tearing everything apart that makes you keep the relationship going. No matter how toxic the relationship is or how out of touch you are with your girl, you stick with it because of the guilt that lies in your head.
2) Feelings For Her
You once had feelings for her as well and, you keep yourself in the relationship, trying to convince yourself that those feelings will return. This can be the stronger, more compelling reason of the two because “hope” is a strong feeling. I’ve known guys who kept trying to make it work with a girl they’ve grown out of because of this “hope” and it usually ended horribly like they cheated or they just simply wasted their time.
Why Breaking Up Is NOT A Bad Thing
If you no longer like the girl, you need to do all you can do to push her out of your life. Time is short so there isn’t a reason to be with someone who brings you down. This may seem harsh but it’s an undeniable fact. It’ll only get worse in the future because it can put you in a position to cheat, settle, and take away time that could be used to find your “one” or just live a happier life.
Listen, I love relationships but at the end of the day if that girl isn’t the one for you, you have to let her know. It’s a disservice to you and to her if you don’t take lead on this one.
How To Break Up With Her
1) Follow Through
The first thing you need to do is realize that when you make this decision, you stick with it. So many times guys make the “I’m going to break up with her” statement and also make it clear to their friends about their decision. But, they don’t do it because it’s not the “perfect time” or some other bullshit. Fuck that, stop it. When you make the decision, stick with it because in reality, there will never be a perfect time.
I don’t care if she suddenly bakes your favorite cookies or does something sexual that you always wanted… you cannot get distracted, stick with your decision and follow through with it.
2) Break Up OUTSIDE of the Bedroom
You don’t want to shit where you eat. There is nothing wrong with having “goodbye” sex. There is just something out of place when you tell her you want to break up while you’re both staring at each other naked. You can do it at a restaurant, a park, on the sidewalk, in class, wherever… just don’t do it where you both have sex.
3) Say It to Her Face
Don’t be a fucking prick or pussy by doing it via text or e-mail message. It’s a downright cowardly move. You should always do it directly in person. You can talk it out, do your last hugs, and make it very clear. The only time I say that you can do it, without being direct, is if you’re in a long distance relationship where you cannot wait to see each other in real life. Yes, Skype is very legitimate in this case, but it should only be used as a last resort.
4) Give Each Other Space
You need to end all communication with her. After the break up, you should make it very clear to her that you’re not longer going to communicate with her and she should do the same. The reason is because the situation becomes very complicated if you start talking to each other again.
You need that space and time apart to help the healing process on both ends. This is harder than it seems because communicating with her became second nature to you and now you have to learn how to get rid of that habit. And, as we all know habits are hard to get rid of… but it’s the fastest way to get over her.
There are even times when you should block her from Facebook. Don’t give in to temptation and comment on her Facebook statuses, photos, etc. Don’t write her any emails or respond to her in any form related to social media.
5) Be Clear
Tell her in as much detail as possible the reasons why you’re breaking up with her. The whole notion of “we need to talk” is dumb. Invite her out, sit her down, and say, “This may be a little forward, but I want to tell you right now that I don’t think our relationship can last. I personally want to break up/call this off. Here are the reasons why.” It’s better to go through the points slowly because you want to make sure the situation flows through calmly.
The last thing you want is food to be thrown in your face or for her to throw a tantrum or cause a scene. I find when you’re clear, thorough, and most importantly, calm, she will be calm and responsive on her end as well.
Lastly, it’s always good to make sure that you listen to her. You need to make sure you both communicate because you want to make sure your rules (as mentioned above) are heard. This way you both know where you’re coming from when you discuss how you want to proceed with this breakup.
6) Stay Strong and Be Cordial
Understand that you need to move on. In most cases it’s going to be a crazy first couple of weeks or months. A lot of emotions are flying around that can really fuck you up. You need to act strong, be strong and move on. You must also be cordial with her and tell her directly BEFOREHAND how you’re feeling, what might happen, and what you’re both going to do (like not communicating).
You don’t want to be the douche that talks shit about her behind her back or starts yelling at her. Just let the emotions and time run their course. Like everything, it will take time.